It's been a while. And I am emotional.

I had to take a break.

I took a break from writing. I took a break from reading for fun. A lot of things were removed from my every day activities. Life had become very difficult, and the two-by-fours kept swinging into my heart. It's been a long two years.

But I am starting to feel like myself a little more each day, so I want to get back to the things that make me me. I get to coach for a living, so that feeds my competitive nature. I enjoy being married, so I wouldn't change that for anything. He's the best. What's next to bring back?

Waxing with a just a smattering of eloquence makes me smile, so I will try again here to get my thoughts out on various subjects and ideas for the five people that read my blog. Eventually, I'll get back to the fiction writing and reading, and tennis, and all the other things slowly. For now, this may be all I've got in me and that's okay. 

Here we go...
One of my players is an empath. She feels other's emotions as much as she feels her own. She's had to learn how to distinguish what her true responsibilities are when dealing with other people because her default feeling is that she is responsible to and for all of them. That's too much burden for anyone to hold. It got me thinking about emotions in general and how fickle they can be but also how integral to our nature they are. I had a father who was overly emotional and a mother who's picture shows up next to stoic in the dictionary. I'm the mixture of the worst of them. I'm all emotion with a bucket full of reality to throw on myself when I get out of hand. It's a confusing way to live.

This makes me consider what the best way to handle emotions should be. Should we listen to our emotions even though they are always changing? Can our emotions be trusted? Should they have a say in our day to day lives and choices? Do they define who we are completely or can we at least acknowledge that DNA has a bit of a say as well? Does anyone else feel like our parents had a better grip on their emotions than we do today? Or at least handled tragedy and trauma better. Why is that?????? 

There is so much that goes into this, but my simple conclusion is that I want to 'be informed by my emotions but not ruled by them'.

To ignore how we feel is to negate the reality in which we find ourselves. To ignore anger or pain or even happiness is to discredit all the things that happen in life, and that makes life a bit pitiful. Our parents kept a lot of emotions inside and many of them were stilted by that. To ignore emotions keeps a person from learning, growing, and enjoying. 

But letting ourselves to be driven by emotions is a rollercoaster that I am uncomfortable to be on. Emotions feel manipulative, and I will question anyone who tries to stir my heartstrings, so to speak. Emotions can be fickle and closed-minded. Emotions might not have all the information necessary for wise decisions, so when it comes to the serious parts of life, emotions might have to take a back seat. This might be where our parents got it right. Many were able to withstand harder times in life because their emotions weren't running rampant. Or maybe they suppressed them too much. Who knows; I can't change those who have gone before.

In the end, I've decided it's best to let my emotions inform me of how I am doing, how I am processing, how I am living in this life but not to have a loud voice in my decision making. If you disagree with me, I am sure you will have some valid points as to why. If you agree, that makes my emotional side smile. In the end, though, I can only speak to myself. So, to myself I say, be glad you had all those feelings the last two years because they were proof of lives lived well. And as I move forward, I will not be overcome by my emotions. Much.

Lastly, we miss you Robin, David, Steve, Dick, and Ruth.